62 Months: Fear

Two weeks ago at my last consultation, the test came back showing at the myeloma had retreated. Here I am in horrible shape. The Doctor laughed, and said, "we have the cancer under control, now we have to fix the cures"

I'm on a medicine called Medrol, it's a steroid but it doesn't build strength. In fact, it has to be carefully administered because it saps muscle strength. I can barely walk at this point. I have a cane and I always walk with someone. I have two steps in front of my house and they might as will be a mountain. I have fallen numerous times, luckily I was able to control the falls not injure myself. I am pretty sure that the neighbors think I'm a drunk. I have been taking short drives in the car to get back in practice. But simply getting out of the chair is a challenge. They are weaning me off of the Medrol.

Tuesday I got a good scare. I had a ultrasound, they called it a Doppler test. They discovered three blood clots, which explained this swelling in my legs. My feet are about twice the size they were normally. There were two clots below my knee, which they explained are minor and not really a problem. But they found one in the left leg above the knee and they said that is cause for concern. They sent me home with a box of injectable medicine that I have to do once a day. We want to dissolve the clot before it decides to move. If this clot takes off it could very well and up in my lung and that would be a problem.

It's kind of a strange situation. They don't know if I should sit stand walk run. I'm sticking with minor exercise, eating right and keeping my fingers crossed.

The cancer never scared me, the pneumonia didn't scare me, the flu didn't scare me, but this blood clot has me shaking in my shoes.

I am scared.