62 Months: Victories and Milestones

Well look at that...I'm improving.
The doctors removed my PICC line. No more home IV. They've also begun weaning me off the drug Medrol. I managed to gain a couple of pounds, too. The weight part astounds me because I eat like three people. I never stop chowing down. I stopped at McDonald's on my way to Burger King one night. And recently I ate five slices of pizza ( real pizza, full-sized slices ) and then had a cannoli.

Another huge milestone was returning to work, which I did one week ago. My company is very good to me. They have me working in an area where I can be productive but not be subjected to any heavy lifting. I have a chair provided for me ( I work for a supermarket chain, so chairs are not typically offered or used ) so when my old butt runs out of energy, I can flop on the seat and recharge. My hemoglobin and red cells are still low, so I get out of breath frequently. But I'm doing it. As a matter of fact, yesterday I ran my department for the first time since I got back.

The after-effects of the chemotherapy have left me with a bunch of neurological problems. I'm being treated now by a very capable, reputable doctor, so I expect some answers and relief soon. I walk like my legs are made of rubber, and I've had a few falls. I make a lot of noise when I fall, so I try not to do that too often. I walked up on an elderly woman who was using a walker. I was using a cane at the moment, and I asked her if she wanted to race.

I feel ok. OK is good.

62 Months: Fear

Two weeks ago at my last consultation, the test came back showing at the myeloma had retreated. Here I am in horrible shape. The Doctor laughed, and said, "we have the cancer under control, now we have to fix the cures"

I'm on a medicine called Medrol, it's a steroid but it doesn't build strength. In fact, it has to be carefully administered because it saps muscle strength. I can barely walk at this point. I have a cane and I always walk with someone. I have two steps in front of my house and they might as will be a mountain. I have fallen numerous times, luckily I was able to control the falls not injure myself. I am pretty sure that the neighbors think I'm a drunk. I have been taking short drives in the car to get back in practice. But simply getting out of the chair is a challenge. They are weaning me off of the Medrol.

Tuesday I got a good scare. I had a ultrasound, they called it a Doppler test. They discovered three blood clots, which explained this swelling in my legs. My feet are about twice the size they were normally. There were two clots below my knee, which they explained are minor and not really a problem. But they found one in the left leg above the knee and they said that is cause for concern. They sent me home with a box of injectable medicine that I have to do once a day. We want to dissolve the clot before it decides to move. If this clot takes off it could very well and up in my lung and that would be a problem.

It's kind of a strange situation. They don't know if I should sit stand walk run. I'm sticking with minor exercise, eating right and keeping my fingers crossed.

The cancer never scared me, the pneumonia didn't scare me, the flu didn't scare me, but this blood clot has me shaking in my shoes.

I am scared.

62 Months: Loneliness

As much as they like to  people just can't stay and keep you company all the time. Weekends are okay, but during the week people have to get on with their lives. I'm pretty restricted to what I can do or where I can go because I'm still subject to infections.

When I do go out, I have to wear a surgical mask. Unfortunately for me, the last three times I've been out have been to attend wakes and funerals. You do get lonely. You do spend a lot of time by yourself. Social media helps, there are people online that I can talk to. My kids have school, work, activities. I do get the occasional visitor, but like I said people have to get on with their lives.

It's funny, the people that I expected to be here have pretty much vanished, people I would've never guessed in a million years have been showing up to visit. I had no idea how important it would be to get a visitor to stop by just to say hello.

That's the lesson I am taking away from this. When I'm healthy again I will make sure to make time to visit people who are sick. They tell you not to go through the trouble, but that's what I'm going to do.